June 2012
what if there was a really flamboyant assassin and after they killed someone they just snapped their fingers, turned away and said ‘you’ve just been SASSassinated’
you never really know someone until you talk to them at 4 am
I’m going to start every question from now on with “riddle me this.”
do you ever just wanna sit next to someone and listen to everything they could possibly say about anything ever just because you like their face and their voice and their general existence
imagine lying on the backs of 1,000 corgis, as they gracefully carry you across the water, whispering ancient melodies
What if Christians said “okay” instead of “amen”
“In Jesus’ name, okay.”
have you ever liked someone so much you started hating them
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE WITH JOE BIDEN RIGHT NOW.
Can you just imagine?
“HA! Ruth, that old firecracker. Did I ever tell y’all about the time I short-sheeted her bed? Good times, good times.”
“Jill! Jill get in here! I need to write Scalia an email. How do you say KISS MY ASS in Italian?”
“Barack! Barack, it’s Joe. You know what I’m thinking? SHOTS. SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! Bring Michelle and the kids.”
in italian everything sounds like you can eat it when you say cassonetto stupro u might think its a special pasta but in fact it means dumpster rape
